I see that being angry makes me want to write. So maybe I should be angry more often, right? Would you like me to write more, or does it matter? Like so many other things in my life, most of the time I'm just talking to the wind, or so it seems.
The good thing about today is that I finished my Mid-term testing. But now I have to finish grading it. I much rather just give the damn tests. Also, now we are back to normal classes, which means I don't feel I know what the hell I am doing. That is the main reason for my anger tonight.
How can I spend so much time in my office and have nothing to show for it? Sure, I printed out some stuff, and I brain stormed about some cool ideas, and I talked to some co-workers, etc. What what, in concrete do I have to do with my class tomorrow?
I feel much more secure and happier if I have a plan that is practical and doable. So why don't I make one? I think I like creative work better, but I end up prioritizing grade accounting way more than I should. Yet I hate the paperwork. Something doesn't make sense to me here.
The thing is, I love HAVING ideas, but I don't really like DOING the ideas. WHY?
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
26 October 2010
19 October 2010
STD testing and Anger
I'm angry again tonight. Only about a 7 on the scale, but enough to notice. I came home from work again pretty late. Stopped by the super market to get some milk and salad stuff...good thing I did...we were completely out of milk, a necessity at breakfast for me.
It isn't so much the lateness but the fact that I am still not at all ready for tomorrow's classes. Why can't I really work hard for about an hour after classes finish at 4:30 and get my stuff done? It just never happens. I'm tired from class, I want--need a break. That break never gets broken, and I end up writing emails, and other stuff that needs to be done, but does not contribute to my peace or calmness of mind when tomorrow morning comes and a new day of class starts.
And tomorrow is mid-term testing, so there is no choice but to be ready. I can't fake this one.
The Dr. finally called me back, much later than I expected that he would even be at the office--oh crap I forgot to ask him how to get a print out of the results! He told me everything was negative. For the first time in my life, that much negativity was a VERY GOOD thing.
Since a few days after my last overnight at Hamilton Hotel Sauna (which I still haven't finished blogging about) I have had some red places and discomfort on the "goods" which raised some concerns. I was about to think I might have gotten herpes from that cock slut that blew me.
Since I have never been really checked out since coming to Korea, I decided it might be a good time. The STD tests cost more than I expected, about $150, and it took over a week to get all the results. It was the result of the herpes test that I was waiting on and most worried about. But hey, now I know I don't even have the cold sore type, which I thought I probably did, though I don't ever get cold sores.
Since thankfully it isn't herpes, it must be the same thing I had a few years ago in another town. The Korean Dr. there said it was just a normal everyday bacteria gone a bit crazy.
So I'm very happy about the STD test result, and angry about not getting my test prep finished, and writing this blog didn't get me any closer to that goal either, but I really wanted to tell someone about this...GI Joe is never available to talk about it! ARGH!!!
It isn't so much the lateness but the fact that I am still not at all ready for tomorrow's classes. Why can't I really work hard for about an hour after classes finish at 4:30 and get my stuff done? It just never happens. I'm tired from class, I want--need a break. That break never gets broken, and I end up writing emails, and other stuff that needs to be done, but does not contribute to my peace or calmness of mind when tomorrow morning comes and a new day of class starts.
And tomorrow is mid-term testing, so there is no choice but to be ready. I can't fake this one.
The Dr. finally called me back, much later than I expected that he would even be at the office--oh crap I forgot to ask him how to get a print out of the results! He told me everything was negative. For the first time in my life, that much negativity was a VERY GOOD thing.
Since a few days after my last overnight at Hamilton Hotel Sauna (which I still haven't finished blogging about) I have had some red places and discomfort on the "goods" which raised some concerns. I was about to think I might have gotten herpes from that cock slut that blew me.
Since I have never been really checked out since coming to Korea, I decided it might be a good time. The STD tests cost more than I expected, about $150, and it took over a week to get all the results. It was the result of the herpes test that I was waiting on and most worried about. But hey, now I know I don't even have the cold sore type, which I thought I probably did, though I don't ever get cold sores.
Since thankfully it isn't herpes, it must be the same thing I had a few years ago in another town. The Korean Dr. there said it was just a normal everyday bacteria gone a bit crazy.
So I'm very happy about the STD test result, and angry about not getting my test prep finished, and writing this blog didn't get me any closer to that goal either, but I really wanted to tell someone about this...GI Joe is never available to talk about it! ARGH!!!
26 September 2010
Focus
I was in the office this afternoon from about 2 to 11 pm. I made a list of about 6 things to do. How many of them did I complete? ZERO, not one of them did I really complete! Why is this?
It is because I'm so distracted. I have been this way all my life it seems. I remember having a very hard time in school getting my homework done. Same problem. Is there any hope that I will be able to change now?
It is CRAZY to work all Sunday afternoon, till 11 pm and not having anything to show for it! The point is, I didn't really work. I started out well, setting a timer and trying to focus. But that lasts for about 30 mins. and then I get off the system or get curious and end up surfing the net or sometime.
In the process I did find this website about how to get focused. I spend some time looking at it and realize I need to read it. I also made some comments...we'll see if they do any good.
Also, another one of my distractions is frustration and anger. I don't like my teaching materials, and there are big problems with the online lab that students are using. When these emotions come up I just shut down and need my addiction to release the stress.
So yes, I probably spent the last several hours surfing Model Mayhem and that, of course, led to watching porn.
WHAT I LEARNED: Lack of focus is one of my MAJOR problems. If anyone can pray with me about this, I really need it.
It is because I'm so distracted. I have been this way all my life it seems. I remember having a very hard time in school getting my homework done. Same problem. Is there any hope that I will be able to change now?
It is CRAZY to work all Sunday afternoon, till 11 pm and not having anything to show for it! The point is, I didn't really work. I started out well, setting a timer and trying to focus. But that lasts for about 30 mins. and then I get off the system or get curious and end up surfing the net or sometime.
In the process I did find this website about how to get focused. I spend some time looking at it and realize I need to read it. I also made some comments...we'll see if they do any good.
Also, another one of my distractions is frustration and anger. I don't like my teaching materials, and there are big problems with the online lab that students are using. When these emotions come up I just shut down and need my addiction to release the stress.
So yes, I probably spent the last several hours surfing Model Mayhem and that, of course, led to watching porn.
WHAT I LEARNED: Lack of focus is one of my MAJOR problems. If anyone can pray with me about this, I really need it.
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