Gay Man's Paradise

A face book friend brought this article to my attention.  It is refreshing when a religious straight person really thinks deeply enough about the catch 22 situation so many of us are in.

If number of comments tells you anything about an articles relevance, then this one must be VERY relevant.

I couldn't help myself.  I had to add my thanks as well.  Here is what I wrote:

I thank you, Steve, for having the guts to put your conflicted, struggling thoughts in print. 

Oh, how I wish it were possible to find answers to this issue! I'm now in my late 40's and still can not figure out how to deal with being gay. While all around me, people progress through their lives, I am frozen in time (except the body never made it into the freezer!). I have never had a long-term, committed relationship with either gender--both are off limits--but the "blessing" of celibacy also eludes me, especially celibacy of the mind and heart!

Recently, through the haze of addiction and disenchantment, I am learning to hang feverishly onto 2 Peter 3:9. How I desperately hope that Peter's definition of "anyone" can somehow include a very confused and lost gay man. The lights, the music...all the bling-bling of heaven...sounds like any gay man's paradise!

Christ Object Lessons pg. 159 has become my ground zero. "... no man can empty himself of self." No gay man can change whatever it is that needs changing. "We can only consent for Christ to accomplish the work. 

"Then the language of the soul will be, Lord, take my heart; for I cannot give it. It is Thy property. Keep it pure, for I cannot keep it for Thee. Save me in spite of myself, my weak, unchristlike self. Mold me, fashion me, raise me into a pure and holy atmosphere, where the rich current of Thy love can flow through my soul."

I keep praying this prayer. I have come to believe it is my last, my only hope!

Dear reader, especially if you have a hot-line to heaven, please pray, desperately pray, that Jesus can include all your gay brothers and sisters in Peter's "anyone." So many of us have given up praying for ourselves!

Kinship Kampmeeting ~ Day 2

Truly an amazing day.

Here is an outline written quickly before I forget it all.  I will try to develop it more later.

Didn't go to the early morning devotion and exercise....I was keeping my addiction from rusting!

Morning Mtg: Beth G. was fantastic.  What touching stories...especially about her brother coming out to her just last fall.  She showed us a picture of her "beautiful brother".  (OMG, but he is gorgeous!)  Also very touching about her retired-SDA-pastor-father who now wants to be an advocate for gays and lesbians in the church.  WOW!

Business Mtg: A bit long, but actually quite interesting.

Lunch: One of the servers is Asian and so f**king cute and I'm sure gay.  I kept eye flirting with him.

2-4 pm: "Sandro D." gave a presentation about a paper he did dealing with homophobia and religiosity.  A bit long but quite well presented.  I'm quite fascinated by Sandro.  He is 25 and 100% pretty boy...beautiful eastern-European-Bel-Ami-model looks.  I was left with a major curiosity as to weather or not he is gay.  He neither confirmed nor denied it in his talk.  Hum....I have to figure this out!

4-6 pm: Film "Brother Outsider."  Very good, a story I had never heard about a man I had never heard of.  If you haven't seen it, you MUST!

Dinner: Sat at the table with Sandro, the gay male couple with two kids (via a surrogate), and others.  I still couldn't figure Sandro out.  Went to a short meeting for local coordinators.  I think I will try to do something when I get back to Korea, but don't know how much.  The cute Asian boy was there again.  I'm so in lust!  I actually gave him my numbers on a sheet of paper after dinner....no response so far...and feeling pretty stupid about it.  Oh well!

Evening Mtg: Changed to watching the film about the LDS church and Proposition 8 in California.  Very interesting and thought provoking....but not really enjoyable.

Evening Mtg 2: "Our Stories."  I hurried across the isle and got in the group with Sandro.  Very interesting story, OMG!  But that is all I can say until he graduates....you always have risks at SDA institutions.  The other stories were very interesting too...

Afterwards Seth and I talked for quite a while.  We are going to try to practice some piano duets tomorrow.

OK, I'm super tired now.  I hope this makes some sense.  It is more details than I planned on.

Kinship Kampmeeting ~ Day 1

I am at my first SDA Kinship Kampmeeting.

Why did I spend the money to come (well over $600)?

• I was logistically close anyway
• I was curious what it was about
• I wanted to be with "my own kind"
• I might meet someone that understands me
• This is something entirely for me and no one else and I deserve it!

July 21, 12:45 pm.  I met my ride close to my parents house.  Lesbian (obviously) mother and gay son.  Interesting visit on the way to the conference venue, about 1.5 hours drive.

We were here a bit early, but got checked in and registered.  The retreat center and hotel is VERY nice and the people seem very nice.

It is interesting to be in a place where you are assumed to be gay...LOL...no explanations required, but we do like to hear our stories, but I'm getting ahead of myself a bit.

I worked on my editing project until almost time for dinner.  Then dinner was a sit-down affair that was actually quite nice.  There were eight of us around the table.  It turns out they included the president of Kinship, the speaker for the evening and her partner, and a former pastor who is very involved in the running of the Kampmeeting.  The food was decent.  Main course was a sort of pumpkin filled ravioli with vegetables.

Evening meeting: Niki talked about ethics, justice and righteousness.  Good, but I don't really remember the real point now.

Afterward I payed for the rest of my fee and then talked quite a while to the "money man" and Daneen A.  Mr. Money pretty well pulled my entire personal history out of me, and he shared quite a bit (with several interruptions) about himself as well.  Certainly a very nice man, with a very interesting history with the church.

I stayed up too late channel surfing, so I need to get to bed on time tonight.

   

My Lust for Victory Begins

Today I have decided to win this battle - with God's help of course.

It is no longer a struggle, it is all out war. And the outcome is sure, because Jesus Christ has already WON, and today, again I choose to be on His side.

Who or what is the enemy? Pornography, specifically gay porn. I will start there. There will be more battles, but this is the one for the moment.

If you happen to find this blog and want to join my war, please let me know. I know there are many others who are fighting their own war.

I will be sharing my thoughts, experiences, successes and failures. I believe this is the beginning of the end. The beginning of an assured Victory!