Mid-term Test & Anger

I see that being angry makes me want to write.  So maybe I should be angry more often, right?  Would you like me to write more, or does it matter?  Like so many other things in my life, most of the time I'm just talking to the wind, or so it seems.

The good thing about today is that I finished my Mid-term testing.  But now I have to finish grading it.  I much rather just give the damn tests.  Also, now we are back to normal classes, which means I don't feel I know what the hell I am doing.  That is the main reason for my anger tonight.

How can I spend so much time in my office and have nothing to show for it?  Sure, I printed out some stuff, and I brain stormed about some cool ideas, and I talked to some co-workers, etc.  What what, in concrete do I have to do with my class tomorrow?

I feel much more secure and happier if I have a plan that is practical and doable.  So why don't I make one?  I think I like creative work better, but I end up prioritizing grade accounting way more than I should.  Yet I hate the paperwork.  Something doesn't make sense to me here.

The thing is, I love HAVING ideas, but I don't really like DOING the ideas.  WHY?

Vacation = Frustration (part 1)

Venting...

Feeling: Angry

Mood: Depressed Desperation

Reason: Failure to accomplish mental goals for the holiday

This is such a recurring problem for me.  Having great dreams of accomplishments but completing almost none of them.  Even now, that is how I feel about this blog.  It produces more guilt than anything else.  

I was going to spend about 20 or 30 minutes writing an entry.  With only 8 mins left, I have almost nothing done. Maybe I will do it in parts, and at least get something written.  Something is better than nothing, right?

I was really looking forward to this holiday.  With the cancelling of my Monday classes I literally had no scheduled work for 10 straight days.  Some people could save the entire planet in that length of time.  Me?  I apparently can't accomplish a darn thing!  

Partly it is my fault, but partly because I'm a sucker for putting other people first.  While that might seem good, my needs and goals end up in last place, so those of others usually are the only ones I accomplish since what others needed or want get done first, and after all the time I waste on my addition, there is no time left to work on my real goals.  It has been this way for years.  I know I need to change, but that just doesn't seem to be happening fast.

I keep praying....