Gay Man's Paradise

A face book friend brought this article to my attention.  It is refreshing when a religious straight person really thinks deeply enough about the catch 22 situation so many of us are in.

If number of comments tells you anything about an articles relevance, then this one must be VERY relevant.

I couldn't help myself.  I had to add my thanks as well.  Here is what I wrote:

I thank you, Steve, for having the guts to put your conflicted, struggling thoughts in print. 

Oh, how I wish it were possible to find answers to this issue! I'm now in my late 40's and still can not figure out how to deal with being gay. While all around me, people progress through their lives, I am frozen in time (except the body never made it into the freezer!). I have never had a long-term, committed relationship with either gender--both are off limits--but the "blessing" of celibacy also eludes me, especially celibacy of the mind and heart!

Recently, through the haze of addiction and disenchantment, I am learning to hang feverishly onto 2 Peter 3:9. How I desperately hope that Peter's definition of "anyone" can somehow include a very confused and lost gay man. The lights, the music...all the bling-bling of heaven...sounds like any gay man's paradise!

Christ Object Lessons pg. 159 has become my ground zero. "... no man can empty himself of self." No gay man can change whatever it is that needs changing. "We can only consent for Christ to accomplish the work. 

"Then the language of the soul will be, Lord, take my heart; for I cannot give it. It is Thy property. Keep it pure, for I cannot keep it for Thee. Save me in spite of myself, my weak, unchristlike self. Mold me, fashion me, raise me into a pure and holy atmosphere, where the rich current of Thy love can flow through my soul."

I keep praying this prayer. I have come to believe it is my last, my only hope!

Dear reader, especially if you have a hot-line to heaven, please pray, desperately pray, that Jesus can include all your gay brothers and sisters in Peter's "anyone." So many of us have given up praying for ourselves!

He's Got the Whole World...

I really like this picture.  It reminds me of that old song.  I really need to remember today that God has control of everything, because right now I'm NOT feeling in control or at peace!

Today I got an email forward from my parents.  Subject: "Encouraging news!"  It tells some interesting stories  about the spread of the "Sabbath Message" and says, "Surely He cometh quickly!!"  Such emails, and there are been a couple recently, produce such conflict in my heart.  I know I should be happy and look forward to Christ's coming with joy and hope, but I see my life as so messed up and beyond repair that I come so close to despair.

I really believe all this stuff, but when you are gay, and addicted to porn, and probably haven't keep Sabbath, really, in many years, it sounds more like a death sentence.  I keep trying to hold on to the belief that God is working in my life and He can clean it up in His way and time.  This is a HUGE struggle for me.  I see myself getting progressively worse, not better.  But I don't know how God sees me.

When I think of it -- usually after spending hours online looking at porn and jacking off (like this morning) -- I ask God to take my heart and change it.  Certainly I have had no luck changing myself.

This is just the beginning of why I am so distracted and unsettled today, but I can't talk about it all here, right now.  Where is that miracle of progress...before it is too late?

Prayer for Victory

I'm packing. Going through papers I found the following prayer which my sister sent me some time ago (10/6/2004). I'm putting it here so I won't loose it, and so I will be reminded to pray it more often.

Dear Lord,

I need victory. {State what you need victory over.} You have promised victory as a free gift in I Cor. 15:57. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

I ask believingly, and I thank you I have received triumphantly -- not because I feel it, but because you have promised to deliver those who all their lifetime have been subject to bondage.

{See Heb. 2:14-15.}

In Jesus name,

Amen

Hebrews 2:14-15. "Therefore since the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same things, in order that through death He might destroy the one having the power of death, that is, the devil, and that He might set free these, as many as by fear of death through all of their lives, were subject to bondage.