Final Count Down...in Korea & Life (Maybe)

Today is July 28, 2013. 6:30 pm.

Tomorrow could be a major turning point in my life.  I go to see some doctors at CAU Hospital.  I'm getting my heart checked and also my thyroid, I think.

My chest has been bothering me off and on.  More left lateral, but sometime lower ribs on both sides...when I do dishes, and after walking sometimes.  I think it is probably stress related, but I don't know.  I'm a little worried.  I don't really know what else I can do for my heart, but exercise, and that is so hard for me to do.  I certainly am not over weight! 118 lbs.

But the thing that I'm most worried about is that I might have cancer in my thyroid.  I've had this small bump on the right side that is bigger than a similar bump on the left side.  It might just be the trachea but I don't know.  I found it and my neck has been bothering me off and on since shortly after Daddy was diagnosed with cancer in Sept. 2012.  It has been a very hard year.

I just woke up from a nap.  I think I have decided that if I have cancer I am NOT going to do traditional therapy.  I think I will put a time limit on how long I fight it, and then, if God doesn't see fit to give me health, I will let nature run its course.  Why?

1. I haven't enjoyed life that much anyway.
2. I don't see much in the future to live for.  The world is just getting crazier and crazier.
3. I don't have any dependents.
4. I realize, while I have tried to be kind to people, I have been a spiritual "cumberer of the ground."
5. If the Lord is allowing me to be laid to rest to save me, why should I fight it?
6. I trust the Lord can save me, and more years or less years won't change that.  I just need to surrender each thought and remaining breath into His loving hands.

PRAYER

Lord Jesus,

I don't know how many years, months, days or even hours I have left in my life.  Life looks like it might be a lot shorter than I thought it would be.  It certainly was for Daddy (75 years).

I realize that YOU must change my heart.  I want to be saved, to see Daddy again, to spend eternity exploring the universe with Him and YOU.  Give me right motives, right thoughts.  Please fill and transform me by YOUR grace.

Whether I live or die soon, I trust my soul into YOUR keeping.  YOU have promised that whoever comes to YOU will not be cast out.  Lord Jesus, I come.

I believe, help Thou my unbelief!

In the blessed name of Jesus, AMEN!