29 July 2013

Today was the day, maybe.  It is now 11:00 pm.

I appears I have a higher change of living, but I'm going back tomorrow to learn even more.  So I'm still struggling to fight against my fear and trust that things will be OK.

The endocrinologist said the bump on my throat that I have been so stressed about is normal, just the cartilage.  He felt my neck and said he couldn't feel anything abnormal, but to be sure, I could do an ultra-sound of the thyroid.  That is why I'm still battling fear.  That is tomorrow.  I hope and pray it is normal, and that all my neck discomfort has been my crazy brain.  If not, I will have to deal with it, and God will be with me I'm sure.

At cardiology I didn't learn too much.  I wish I had asked better questions.  I assume that there is nothing serious, because once he was my ECG which confirms that I have WPW syndrome (which I already knew about) he only talked about that.  He tried to confirm that I wasn't having symptoms.  He also told me about a "cure."  I don't think I will do it, however.

When I got home I called my mother and we talked for a very long time.  It was a very spiritual conversation, and uplifting.  I was feeling much better, obviously, but now feel afraid again.  We talked about my coming home and what I would do, etc.

I was able to make a final decision about my flight to visit my aunt (who has been living with cancer for years).

I so want life to get back to normal, but I don't know if that is possible.

PRAYER

Lord Jesus,

I feeling afraid about tomorrow again.  I thought the fear would be over.  But I choose to trust YOU gain tonight.

I feel the desperate need to be past the fear, and have the strength to be a support to Mother, instead of another worry.  Oh, please please, give me health of mind and give or keep my healthy in body.

Thank YOU for the changes YOU are working in my heart by YOUR saving grace

Again, tonight, whether I live or die soon, I trust my soul into YOUR keeping.  YOU have promised that whoever comes to YOU will not be cast out.  Lord Jesus, I come.

I believe, help Thou my unbelief!

In the blessed name of Jesus, AMEN!

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