Kinship Kampmeeting ~ Day 2

Truly an amazing day.

Here is an outline written quickly before I forget it all.  I will try to develop it more later.

Didn't go to the early morning devotion and exercise....I was keeping my addiction from rusting!

Morning Mtg: Beth G. was fantastic.  What touching stories...especially about her brother coming out to her just last fall.  She showed us a picture of her "beautiful brother".  (OMG, but he is gorgeous!)  Also very touching about her retired-SDA-pastor-father who now wants to be an advocate for gays and lesbians in the church.  WOW!

Business Mtg: A bit long, but actually quite interesting.

Lunch: One of the servers is Asian and so f**king cute and I'm sure gay.  I kept eye flirting with him.

2-4 pm: "Sandro D." gave a presentation about a paper he did dealing with homophobia and religiosity.  A bit long but quite well presented.  I'm quite fascinated by Sandro.  He is 25 and 100% pretty boy...beautiful eastern-European-Bel-Ami-model looks.  I was left with a major curiosity as to weather or not he is gay.  He neither confirmed nor denied it in his talk.  Hum....I have to figure this out!

4-6 pm: Film "Brother Outsider."  Very good, a story I had never heard about a man I had never heard of.  If you haven't seen it, you MUST!

Dinner: Sat at the table with Sandro, the gay male couple with two kids (via a surrogate), and others.  I still couldn't figure Sandro out.  Went to a short meeting for local coordinators.  I think I will try to do something when I get back to Korea, but don't know how much.  The cute Asian boy was there again.  I'm so in lust!  I actually gave him my numbers on a sheet of paper after dinner....no response so far...and feeling pretty stupid about it.  Oh well!

Evening Mtg: Changed to watching the film about the LDS church and Proposition 8 in California.  Very interesting and thought provoking....but not really enjoyable.

Evening Mtg 2: "Our Stories."  I hurried across the isle and got in the group with Sandro.  Very interesting story, OMG!  But that is all I can say until he graduates....you always have risks at SDA institutions.  The other stories were very interesting too...

Afterwards Seth and I talked for quite a while.  We are going to try to practice some piano duets tomorrow.

OK, I'm super tired now.  I hope this makes some sense.  It is more details than I planned on.

Kinship Kampmeeting ~ Day 1

I am at my first SDA Kinship Kampmeeting.

Why did I spend the money to come (well over $600)?

• I was logistically close anyway
• I was curious what it was about
• I wanted to be with "my own kind"
• I might meet someone that understands me
• This is something entirely for me and no one else and I deserve it!

July 21, 12:45 pm.  I met my ride close to my parents house.  Lesbian (obviously) mother and gay son.  Interesting visit on the way to the conference venue, about 1.5 hours drive.

We were here a bit early, but got checked in and registered.  The retreat center and hotel is VERY nice and the people seem very nice.

It is interesting to be in a place where you are assumed to be gay...LOL...no explanations required, but we do like to hear our stories, but I'm getting ahead of myself a bit.

I worked on my editing project until almost time for dinner.  Then dinner was a sit-down affair that was actually quite nice.  There were eight of us around the table.  It turns out they included the president of Kinship, the speaker for the evening and her partner, and a former pastor who is very involved in the running of the Kampmeeting.  The food was decent.  Main course was a sort of pumpkin filled ravioli with vegetables.

Evening meeting: Niki talked about ethics, justice and righteousness.  Good, but I don't really remember the real point now.

Afterward I payed for the rest of my fee and then talked quite a while to the "money man" and Daneen A.  Mr. Money pretty well pulled my entire personal history out of me, and he shared quite a bit (with several interruptions) about himself as well.  Certainly a very nice man, with a very interesting history with the church.

I stayed up too late channel surfing, so I need to get to bed on time tonight.

   

…alone…bloated…chaotic…

Alone is my heart.

Bloated is my belly.

Chaotic are my thoughts, and most certainly my desk….old habits…

ADD thoughts just will not be organized tonight, so, James Joyce, stand aside!...

Bad-week, long-week, four-times-to-“La Restaurant”-week, mid-term-test-week, talk-to-much-with-KHw-week…coming-out-a-little-more-week…

I miss GI Joe much more than I thought I would, this week, because I don’t ever get to talk to him when I expect too….yea yea…”no expectations—no frustrations” but he told me he would call, Thursday night and now tonight…still nothing…what am I to or not to do?

What do I know about relationships…that word which got deleted from my emotional dictionary? Can this be called one? or is it just that I want to get that lost word back?

Korean bath-house “Sauna” a naked first meeting…no cover-up…probably not the way most hetero couples first meet…ha HA! “Eyes-dropping” on GI Joe (before I knew that) and the young Korean twink he was making the move on….I was lusting to watch the action which was sure to follow.

more to cum...

Coming Back...to this Blog, that is.

I realize I need to work on this blog.  I need an outlet for journaling.  If there were some people who would actually find this and read some of it, it would help.  But I guess I need to write for me and my own mental health.

Having said that, if anyone DOES happen to find this blog, please leave a comment.  Thank you!

Different but the Same

It has been a long time since I wrote.

Everything is different....everything is the same.

Tonight I feel maginalized, alone, angry.

It is Saturday...I have been in my apartment all day. The weather was wonderful, why do I do this. I really had no where to go, and there was no one who seemed to want to see me...everyone had other plans, HOGm & FS.

I did chat with DOCm on skype...that was good. He is the only person in my life that will ask me directly how I'm doing in my spiritual life. He is 20 years younger than me, and in a very different place than I am, but I love him, and I think he loves me in that special friendship way.

It is something that runs deep. A deep sympathy and mutual care than runs beneath all the trivialities of life.

But I still feel very alone tonight. My day was wasted. I didn't even pray or read the Bible, and it is Sabbath. When will God change my heart and give me a heart to love Him?