Flight Frustration & Packing

Today was ok.  I started the day listening to Dr. Jennings on my MP3 player.  It was much better than lying there and falling into my fantasy and masturbation routine which is common. We watched Dr. Jennings during breakfast too.

The issue of forgiveness really spoke to me.  I think I have mis-understood that a lot...especially with my horrible situation in Pueblito (small anonymous town in Mexico) & Sra. N.  I think that has affected my life much more than it should have, and I think my sexual issues were more of a cause and more affected than I will ever truely know.

For some reason my stomach was a total wreck from breakfast till lunch.  I think it was nerves...about packing, the trip...I don't know what all.

Then I felt I should try to change my flight...just see if it would be possible.  What a fiasco that turned into.  I called 3 times: 1) Lady said it would cost $76 -- something about an "exchange rate" I thought she said, but Q fare was available.  2) Lady said there is no extra fee, and no change fee with the Dr's excuse slip.  OK that is more like it!
3) Lady was not very nice...I should have hung up and tried again.  I could tell....she changed my ticket then told me they say it will cost $100 extra, that the ticket was wrong is someway.  I talked to a supervisor...same BS.  I was upset and angry.  How can they tell me 3 different things in 3 hours.

Oh yes, between 2) & 3) I called NMG (close friend from Mexico) to see if the changed schedule would work.  Cool!
Then I get screwed on the price.  Oh well, what do you do?  It will be good to get to Korea a day earlier.

The rest of the day, mostly packing, finally did go for a walk with M&D (parents) then helped dad get some trash in the pickup for a neighbour.

This evening more packing.  I ready to be done, and know that I need to get off this before the temptation to go bad places gets too strong.

+ Jesus, thank you for your help and victory at least in certain areas today.  I realize I have a lot to go in the anger department.  I don't usually even think about being angry, 'cause I'm feeling so guilty for the porn and M stuff. +

Here is my personal assesment...is this a good idea?

Negative goals:

• No porn = 10
• No masturbation = 10
• No anger = 4 (dealing with flight and M&D)

Positive goals:

• Listen/read in recovery = 10
  
• Behold the Lamb of God = 4 (family worship only)
• exercise = 4 (only walking with M&D and a bit in garden)
• connect with friend = 9 (talked well with NMG)

Blessings:

• Mom fixed my ties and got the spot out of one my favorite ones.  Halleluah!
  
• Beautiful weather today, and chance for a walk
• It was great to talk to NMG, and he invited me to a *family* reunion and Bday celebration in Dec of 2009!  Who knows where anyone will be then...but I want to go see my Mexican family.

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